love, blacking out,
1988-01-01, 3:55 a.m.
I can't get to sleep. The time's obvious. Worst, i know why i can't get to sleep and there's nothing i can do about it. >.< Wanted to blog a few hours ago about "love". Sounding like a lovesick bird or something, well not that. Just inspired (would that be the right word?) by this fiction book that's probably directed at the kids-teenage range, because the intercourse scene wasn't described. Weird way of differentiating right? Whatever works. The thing is, i just watched this korean horror movie that depicts love, in the afterlife-r coming back for it. The coincidences? Love and afterlife. I shan't do a summary of the book i read, although i must say i rather liked it. Had some gore and scenes where you sweat because the female lead's in a life-threatening situation. I skipped a few pages to check if she turns out fine though.Shhhh.
Anyway, back to topic. Love. What is it? That's a question many have asked and few, if any, ever gotten or arrived at the answer. In the book, the lead was torn between love for her daughter (living), and her lover (dead) whom she walked out on but still desired him after 12 years. Her first priority had been her daughter, trying to get her to see her, hoping in any way to help her, and of course failing to. While the guy keeps trying to show her that all her attempts will lead her back to where she started, and trying to get her back. The good news? He got her back. The bad news? She became an angel and has to spend half of every year in angel land where he cannot exist in. The thing that really got me thinking was, what would you do for love? Or rather, for your loved one/s. Kids these days (ain't i ageing) are changing girl/boyfriends faster than girls change their wardrobe. Yet with each new one, they can say "i love you" with clear or not-so-clear conscience. If you probe deeper, in the extreme case, would one give up his/her life for the other? The truth is, few if any at all of this couple would survive such a test. Maybe i'm being cynical, but i'm probably closer to the truth being cynical than being idealistic. I realized too, that i wouldn't be able to bear it if i knew that someone i cared for has been shown the end of his/her time. Sudden ending of life is worse though. It gives no one time to prepare, the victim, the people who cares for the victim to prepare for the emotional knock-back they'll receive. From love to death, how dark can i get.
Enough of philosophical/cynical thoughts, let's lay down some facts. I blacked out today, i wonder if that's how it feels to faint. It's actually quite normal to black out for like few seconds, like sitting down for too long and you suddenly get up. It's rather common (for me at least) to black out for split seconds. So when that happened today, i didn't freak out, just held on the the corner of the wall where my house phone on the coffee table was. The difference was, after i did that, i had some weird, i think happy, images that flitted through my mind. The next thing i know was i sorta fell forward. I knocked my knee and the part of my arm where the (was it biceps or triceps) muscle was supposed to be. Both left. Both bruised. I couldn't understand what happened. He says i'm anaemic and needs more iron. But i've never been anaemic! I wasn't hit by a hunger pang because i just had my lunch. It wasn't due to lack of sleep either. So the only other option left besides the one he supplied was, i'm getting old. Ahaha. And much as i often repeat to others, i ain't that old. Oh, and i wasn't have giddy spells or anything. So why did i black out? I've no idea. I didn't even sit long. Anyway, that shall be the end. I thank all (if any~) for your concern, but i conclude myself to be healthy. =)
I think i should try really hard to get to sleep, if not i won't make the 8 hour quota. Goodnight all, enjoy your holidays, ns, school or work or anything i've missed out. =) Sweet dreams.
Sapphire
last - next
