To you..
2007-06-11, 10:55 a.m.
Why..am i crying for myself..when i was the one who chose to give up on this love.
Every sms brings a fresh wave of tears, from the old ones i kept, to the recent ones he sent..to the ones after.
Waves, and he was just telling me about the new surfboard.
Every thought of him, every expression, every word he said, every small little action..
Every moment we'd spent together, in SN uniform, in CJ uniform, in home clothes. I've yet to see him in army uniform.
Every step we'd taken in suntec, in bishan, near my place, near his place.
The bubble teas, the subways, the marche, the pepper lunch, the jap noodles, the cream puffs, the fish soup noodle that we've only had once but that i'll never forget..and so many other delicacies..anything that was eaten with you around tends to taste good.
The tantrums we each had our fair share, the quarrels, the arguments, the cold wars, the bantering, the jokes, the gossips we'd share..
The hugs, the kisses, and everything else..
The time we spent crying over chinese Os, over Os and over As.
You taught me to be more understanding, to be less unreasonable, to forgive, to understand that a boyfriend doesn't read one's mind and even if he did, he doesn't always choose to follow, and to forgive him for that.
The movies i never counted but each was memorable in its own way. The ticket stubs of a few that i still have..
The way you pampered me, with chocolates with sweets with food with love, the way you made me feel good about myself with your honeyed words when i had an occasional bout of inferiority complex. The way you told me the scar i have on my left arm is invisible. The way you complimented me..the way you complained about how i dressed in a nicer way when i went out with cha instead.
The way your tear-stained lashes look, the way your tears well up in your eyes..the way you suddenly cried on the bus..the reaction you had when you realized i fell..
There are so much..so much that even with my bad memory i remember this much. What is the point of this entry? To give me closure? This trip down memory lane..i'm numbed..cried so much. But i have to thank you for all these..you probably remember much more than just these..and i probably have alot more stored in the back of my head. Please take care, since you're still driving and all. Much difference as there is between a boyfriend and a best friend. I really hope we'll still be very close friends. Don't hesitate to find me for anything, even if nothing, and i won't hesitate in return. Unless you choose to stop walking beside me..i won't disappear from your path. I'll..try to take care of myself. It'll probably never compare to yours, but..good enough. You gave me more than i'd ever wanted from a boyfriend..I don't know how much i gave in return, but it never feels enough. Don't throw those things i gave you..keep the comics..keep my pictures..and all i can think of, is how selfish i am. >.< Keep safe..and try to become happy faster..
Sapphie
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