Majestic Beauty

remove ad

New Old Profile ~ Links Rings Cast ~ Email G-book Notes ~ Host Image Design

To: Hui
2007-10-03, 9:54 p.m.

I locked this, and i unlocked it. I felt so fucking emo. I locked it coz i didn't want you (hui) to see. Then i thought. Why not. So this IS for you to see. I found your blog by accident anyway, sorry if you feel violated. But i can tell you i feel hurt.

Let's piss you off some more by telling you, yes i did join maths olympiad. But i never told papa, it was no big deal, just get another useless cert at the end.

There's no need to feel overshadowed by me. I feel envious of you sometimes. You're the one who can overcome what i feel are pathetic results i've achieved. You're putting in the work, and you will see the results. Everyone treats me like a princess? The irony, right after i said i miss that term, it's used in such a way. Am i? Sometimes i don't even want the attention. Truth be told, i feel lousy to have gotten into MDIS, doesn't help when everyone asks me where i've gone. Sometimes, i really rather be invisible.

Who's ill-treating you? Huh. True, i get my share of materialistic items. But i have paid for them. In ways you cannot see. Mummy and daddy treats me better? You should know better than anyone that they don't play favouritism. They treat us equally, and i love them for that. You've no idea how many times in the past i feel that they sided you simply cause you're the younger one. Mummy buys everything for me? Have you seen what she demands of me? My freedom. I'm the most sheltered, restrained person among all my friends. I get many things i want. But i don't fucking get them for free.

I'm really pissed coz all these you could have talked to me. You could've told me about your friends, your problems. I'll always be here for you, if i know you need me, i will be home. And i thought something was wrong when you chose to sleep on your own last night. Looks like i thought right.

And i'm really hurt about how you describe me. "ugly freak" will sum it up pretty well no? Do you know what kind of pressures i face from people outside? The NEED to look well, made up. You should know what i'm like, i don't give a damn how other people talk about me, whether i'm fugly, i look like crap whatever. But coming from you. My sister who've seen me grown up just hurts. You don't need a knife to stab me. You've done a pretty good job with your words.

Your friends find me bitchy/slutty/lian. I don't fucking give a damn. But it matters to me how you see me. You just have no idea how much damage your words have inflicted.

I never saw myself as the princess. Never seen myself as the achiever. There's so much you don't know what i have given up to get what you can see. I never saw myself as the pearl in their palms, i was just me. Sometimes i even have problems finding just what is me, and what is the me i'm portraying.

The bottom line is, if you see me as the problem solver, bring your problems to me. I'll solve them FOC. The vain part, you'll understand it when you get involved with the society even more. And if you really wanted me to disappear from your life. I really could try. Just tell me.

I've just expended all my energy crying and writing this. So fucking emo sia.

Cha: thanks. you're still my bestest-ever girlfriend. I love you girl!
Colz: although you really lag in reply, but thanks. i feel better already.
aloysius: thanks for the analytical ways of cheering me up.
benny: well, thanks for keeping me company and trying to lift my spirits.

Tmr, i'll wake up and find myself mildly foolish for being so emo over this. But i guess, noone can ever hurt me this way. You're my sister, and you're the only one i can ever have in my life, and for that, you're way more special than you can ever think. I love you hui.

=')

last - next