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self destruct?
2008-02-18, 5:54 a.m.

Yes the time is correct, i just cannot get to sleep. Have a long day tomorrow, but it just feels like everything will be fine. Might be skating on fri, guess it all depends. Wants to skate on saturday. Lol.

After having said so much about life, feels like i cannot even lead mine correctly, who am i to tell others how to better theirs? True, i have noticed i learnt the ways of life even though i have not been through half as difficult a life as some others who have received "enlightenment". Ant said being discerning is a curse not a blessing. Guess i never really thought about it that way. It was just the way of life it was for me. We see more things about people, more accurately, we sense them. Well, so? Guess it does affect how i treat strangers.

Jumping on, i was sort of comparing the way my fren and i react when we are pushed to our limits. I concluded, i self-destruct, and he does collateral damage to everyone else. Lol. It is actually true, when i feel pushed to the limit, i break down and wept. Quite freaky really, but i guess that is just the way i end up handling things. I know how tears do not solve anything, but sometimes emotions have to be let out before you have a calmed and settled heart capable of making the right decisions to save yourself from this snake pit you have fallen in. It will undoubtedly prove to be vital. The difference between the two of us probably lies in the fact that i cannot stand doing things which i may look back and wish time would turn back, such as hurting them just because i was incapable of handling my own emotions. And well, when push comes to shove, i guess he just does not care. =P It does not mean i am emotional, if you know me you would know. Well, actually it does kind of depends from which angle are you looking at me.

The question that plagues me is, what is it that i seek in life. It has gone back to that empty feeling. Life is just the timer counting down to death. Which makes you realize that it is truly death that makes life worth what it is. Before i start on yin yang, balance and karma. Let me go off and try to get some sleep. Night honeys (honey-senpai!).

Sapph

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