dedications
2004-08-12, 9:31 p.m.
i teared again..i thought that wouldn't have been possible..but i did. lasted for about the whole of 3 secs.
after doing so badly for chinese..i really should juz rant and grumble and swear that i'll study harder what not. that might have happened..if i came here..3 hours ago. lolz.
i cried alot..so much that it feels like i've used up all my tears..and my eyes hurt so much..i'm terribly disappointed. that's a fact. worst part is..i don't know what went wrong..the paper felt fine..which is why i think that's the worst part. does that mean..my chinese standard has dropped? + the fact that i did horribly for chinese oral. i'm tasting failure for the first time..it's bitter..horrible bitter..lasting taste..this shall be the first, and last time i'm tasting it.
looking at it positively..this is best time for me to receive my wake-up call. if this had been prelims..i'm dead. if this was mock exam, i wouldn't care two-pence. was wondering what happen to my luck (in a sense), now to think of it..i'm lucky. if this wake-up call didn't come now..i bet my Os will end up worse. it's given me a very good motivation. and i'll stress myself out, if that's what it takes to do well.
had my english oral, guess it wasn't all too bad..too many questions asked though..worries me a little. =S that's about it..don't really feel like going in depth on it. still quite upset i guess..but now..not really about my own paper..i've more or less picked up..(i think, i hope)..but there still are people who haven't..yet stood by me when i'd let the tears flow freely. i wanna say thank you. i know you've studied so much harder than me..you're disappointed..even perhaps at a loss..not understanding..that paragraph of compo i wrote..think about it again..you might juz see the point..look heavenwards..send your questions up..and within you. even if the skies ignore you..you have yourself..and me. please pick up yourself again..
found out that i've got another friend who's been my jing1 shen2 zhi1 zhu4. and this is for him..wo3 zai4 bu4 zhi1 bu4 jue2 zhong1, yi3 ba2 ni3 dang1 cheng2 mu4 biao1. ke3 neng2 shi4 ying1 wei4 wo3 bu4 ceng2 you3 guo4 neng2 rang4 wo3 gen1 sui2 de4 jiao3 bu4. dan4 shi4 ni2 yi3 jian4 jian4 de4 cheng2 wei2 le4 wo3 de4 jing1 shen2 zhi1 zhu4, ruo4 you3 yi4 tian1 ni2 kua3 le4..wo3 ye3 jiang1 hui4 gen1 zhe4 ni2 kua3. dan4 shi3, zai4 ni2 kua3 zhi1 qian1, zhi1 dao4 wo3 hui4 yi2 wo3 de4 li4 liang4 zhi1 cheng1 ni4 de4. sui1 ran2 zhe4 liang3 ge4 zi4 wu2 fa3 wan2 quan2 de4 biao3 da2 wo3 de4 xin1 yi4, dan4 hai2 shi4 yao4 shuo1..xie4 xie4.
wish i could've juz typed chinese here..would have made life so much easier. =P
to another special someone..you were there when i needed you..be it 3, 4 am in the morning..i know you're just a call away..i don't know what's happened between us..it's gnawing bits of me..slowly..as i've apologized..i apologize again..sorry.
this is to cha and sh..i shouldn't lump all together..but..juz bear with it..thanks. firstly..congratz to both of you..sorry to have to dampen your spirits..i'm glad you two stood by me..it would have been a million times worse for me today if weren't for the two of you..oya. to cha..what i've realized today isn't about how many or how good the people we're gonna be competing with. i've realized how much i've gotta buck up. if you're good, no matter how good others are, you're still at the top. that's what i wanna be. =)
to tocks, everyone else who've consoled me..though you all ain't gonna see this..i'm still gonna say, thank you. small things make a very big difference..this is one of them..
looks like i haven't cried all my tears dry..there's still remainders. hehe. Sapphire the loner star..i'm no longer alone, i know..i thank all Gods for that..but..being able to survive alone holds alot of meaning for me. i'll stick by that name. =D
Sapphire - thanks everyone..cyaz and takkaire.
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