2018-08-01, 12:45 a.m.
Hello, i've just had 3 bottles of wine and 2 pints of guinness with 2 friends. It's just another night of emo-ness. Skip this. GO.
I've been on an emotional roller coaster (self made) for a while now. Everytime when it gets dark and quiet, I overthink and start crying. I feel like I've been crying so much, I don't think I've ever cried so much over anyone. I'm approaching a point when I feel that enough is enough. I've been so blessed in my life, I've so much, so many people, that I really shouldn't be mourning over one failure. I had a talk with my kindergarten friend today. He said, at some point the pain outweighs the joy, and the joy disappears, that's when you should let go with no regrets. I think it's so damn true. I can't let go now, I feel like I will wonder what could it have been. So I plough on, till the day that it's no longer enough, till the day that I can let go without regrets. Honestly, it's depressing, knowing that the end is just round the bend. Is this how they feel when they know doomsday is coming? I wish there was a way to fix it, but some problems can just never be fixed. It can only be passed on and left to time. I should know, seeing my parents through it.
I think I'm done being sad and whatever nots. There's a limit to how much sadness one can contain, and I think I've reached it. So enough is enough. I will protect my heart properly. I will not let it be stolen nor hurt again. I think I will not marry. I will not settle for someone almost there. I will not marry because everyone else is marrying/married/having kids. I will live my life, walk a path that's different from everyone else and make merry on the way.
Eventually, that's me. The one who's been so blessed with so many things in life, the family, the friends, the many many things that so many wished for. So I'll be thankful for all that I've been given. Stop wasting my time, energy, on people who are just not worth it. I hope I'll never post another sad post like this. Today has reminded me how blessed I've been. That's all I need, for now. One day at a time. Goodnight, I miss you.
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