confusion
2008-11-19, 1:01 p.m.
I'm feeling very confused...over everything i guess. Japan trip seems so far, yet there are things that i need to do in preparation for it. And at the same time, i'm getting tired of always having to bring this feeling of guilt along whenever i go overseas. Where is everything going? Am i on the right track? What's in my future waiting for me? I want a crystal ball! T.T lol.
I betrayed some of my very own values, and i paid the prices for them, and i still hate how i've been stupid enough to wreck some of my very own rooted beliefs. Foolish me. But now that i've paid the price, it's time to move on and not repeat this particular mistake. My beliefs were right, and i should and must hold on to them firmly.
On the up side, the mangas i've read have been making me very very happy. Lol. The guy who loved her so much who chose to give her up to whom he thought will be able to give her the happiness she deserves. The guy who refused to progress their relationship physically because he loved her too much to put everything at stake. Well, they had a loving family in the end, the guy became an actor, and the girl a very successful mangaka, that's manga author fyi, with a very very cute son. Lol.
I guess i need someone who can assist in me planning just a clearer map of where i'm heading. Someone who'd be unbias. Sometimes i think i know what my future is like, but just when a friend asks things like, if i go to work overseas (somewhere i like), would you have any interest? And that just threw the whole plan off the sheet. It never occurred to me, that i'll be looking for work in another country! Not in the i-got-posted-there-by-company kind of job, but in the i-go-and-find-job-there kind of job. Lol.
The fact of life: As you grow older, your world of choice shrinks. In a depressing kind of way. Lol.
I'm still over a year to 21, and already the world looks very very grey. Sigh. Ciao. Breakfast time.
Sapph
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